My name is Dylan, and I am an alcoholic. My name is Dylan Logas, and I have been in recovery since January 18, 2015. What that means to me is that I have not taken a drink of alcohol since January 17, 2015.
Growing up my life was good. I was blessed with great parents, great family, and great friends. We were never poor although, from time to time, we struggled with money. Yet, my parents always made sure we were well taken care of. My dad worked and coached my baseball teams, which provided my mom the opportunity to go back to school to get her associates, bachelors, and masters degrees, as well as her teaching credential. All in all, I lived what most would consider an idyllic childhood. Something was missing though, not externally but internally. At the time, I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I always felt like an outsider. It was as if everyone just fit in and knew what to do in situations that I was not good at navigating.
After high school, I was accepted to California State University, Fullerton. During my first semester at CSUF, I did reasonably well. In the semester that followed I failed almost all my classes and was nearing academic probation. During this time, I was working full time and enjoying the freedom college provided. I was drinking and going to parties far more often than I should have been. I continued to do poorly and was placed on academic probation. I decided to leave CSUF to attend Fullerton College, thinking that a new school would help to produce different results.
It didn't take long for me to get into academic trouble at Fullerton College. Within a year, I had gotten such poor grades that I was only allowed to take two classes at a time to help me pass courses. I soon decided to leave Fullerton College because I was afraid to register for classes, and I was scared to meet with my counselors. I decided maybe it was time for a different path and started taking classes at culinary school.
While I was taking classes in culinary school, I also got a promotion at work and was excelling in my career. At this same time, my drinking continued to get heavier and heavier. I was starting to get into trouble at school for missing too many classes, and I was getting into trouble at work for missing too many days. I continued to choose to drink over everything else.
Over the next two years, I would again be on academic probation and would stop attending culinary school. I received another promotion at work. This gave me access to more money, making it much easier to drink whenever I wanted to. In 2013, I received a DUI and lost my license and my car. I knew that the only way to advance at my job was to go back to school, yet I had no way to accomplish this. Soon after, I was fired from my job. My family was trying to help, but all I was doing was hurting them and breaking their trust, over and over again. My best friends gave me an ultimatum, either stop drinking or stop hanging out with them. I chose alcohol over those friendships, and I chose alcohol over everything of any value in my life.
I gave college one more try thinking that maybe it was what I needed to get my life back on track and within a semester I had failed every class. My world had become so small. I had distanced myself from everyone in my family and my friends, and I would spend time just sitting in my room drinking. I was full of guilt, shame, and sorrow. I was beaten down and tired. I was lucky, though, that a friend of mine asked me to go to a 12 step meeting with him. I went reluctantly, mostly to get people off my back. To my great surprise, I was given a commitment. What this means is for six months, every Friday night, I had to show up an hour early, make coffee, and set up the meeting.
For reasons I didn’t understand at the time, I showed up to those meetings, and I made coffee even though I could not stay sober. One Friday night after about five months, a man from the meeting came up to me and asked me if I wanted help. I was so relieved and thankful, and I said yes. The next day, I thought for sure I would be sober for the rest of my life. I was convinced. By Saturday night, I was drinking again, and I didn't know why I felt so hopeless and worthless. There was a brief moment of clarity right when I opened the second tall can. I thought to myself, you are better than this, you are better than the person you are showing to the world, you have so much more to offer, but you will never achieve anything unless you ask for help and stop drinking. For the first time in as far back as I could remember, I asked for help, and there was no one in the room, I just looked up and asked for help.
The next day was Sunday, January 18th, 2015, and it was the first day of my sobriety. After six months when my commitment at the meeting was up, I received my 30-day sobriety chip. To this day that was one of the most powerful days of my life. It was the day that hope entered back into my life. I started working with another man, and we talked about life, we talked about everything. I was able to be open and honest in ways I had never been before. I started hanging around groups of sober people, and I saw that this was a lifestyle that people actually lived, and they were having fun. I began to want to give back to the community and my community that helped me get sober.
In the summer of 2015, I started going back to school at Rio Hondo College. For the first time in my life, I was attending college sober. My life from that moment on took off, and I have worked every day to give back and better my life and my community. A man who was helping me to get sober told me, “you get sober for yourself, and everything you do after that is to help others.”
I continue to be active in my 12 step program. I am of service to all who need me. I am living a life beyond what I could ever have imagined for myself. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. My life has great purpose. For many years, I didn’t know what that purpose was, but today I know. I am here to be of maximum service to others. Life is good!